Friday, July 27, 2012

The Genesis Project...Chapter 2...Part 1


     One by one the pods opened and the chatter and laughter of life slowly returned to Genesis I.  Kenzi sat in sickbay when one of the Freelancers, wearing sergeant stripes, stepped through the hatch.

     “Gordon Miles said you wanted to see me, Ma’am,” he said.

     Kenzi paused for a moment and looked at the name label on his camouflage shirt. He stood at attention, his feet together and his arms rigid at his side. His eyes riveted somewhere behind her.

     “Did Gordon tell you why, Sergeant Brackett?”

     “I think I know, Ma’am.” His eyes never wavered from the spot behind her. “The Major was supposed to be up before me and I’ve not seen him.”

     “Relax, Sergeant,” said Kenzi. She held out her hand to Brackett. “Doctor Kenzi Sheppard.” 

     Immediately the tenseness in Brackett disappeared and he shook Kenzi’s hand. “Mike Brackett, Ma’am, glad to meet you.” Spreading his feet apart, he stood with his hands behind him.

     “Major Grayson’s pod malfunctioned,” Kenzi informed the Sergeant. “It happened sometime after we left.”

     “Can I see the Major, Ma’am?”

     “He may be hard to look at.”

     “Yes, Ma’am.”

     Kenzi rose from her chair behind the desk. “Follow me, Sergeant.”

     She led Brackett to a corner of the small sickbay where a black body bag rested on a gurney. Kenzi unzipped the body bag. The sergeant looked at the remains of Major Grayson for a couple of minutes, and then looked up at the doctor.

     “Thank you, Ma’am, I’ll break the news to the men when we’re all together. One more thing, the Major was really looking forward to this mission. If you don’t mind, I’d like to bury him wherever we decide to settle down.”

     Despite the sergeant’s rough exterior, Kenzi could see the sadness and hurt in Brackett’s eyes. “I think that could be arranged, Sergeant. We have a chaplain with us. I’ll talk to Miles about it.”

     “Thank you, Ma’am. The Major and me go back a ways. We met in the Corps. Fought a lot of wars together since. He was a warrior and a gentleman. You would have liked him.”

     “I’m sure I would have,” replied Kenzi.

     “Well, I should go be with the men. Thanks for taking care of the Major.” Sergeant Brackett turned and strode out of sickbay.

     Kenzi zipped up the body bag and returned to her desk. She’d been apprehensive about the dangers of the Genesis Project, but if the rest of the Freelancers were like Sergeant Brackett, they were in good hands.

5 comments:

  1. It's an interesting start. I think that you'd grab more attention if you had all the characters wake up at once. That way you'd have immediate action--the major's dead. What are we going to do now? How'd he die, and whose fault is it? Give us tension and potential conflict from the start.

    I also want a main character to be the point of view character. Giving Max a prominent role in the opening is distracting, unless we're supposed to identify with him (it?). Kenzi is the person to go with. Get us in her head.

    You do have a good idea for a story here.

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  2. Hi englreadingandwriting, Thanks for stopping by and for the comments. This is the first draft of The Genesis Project so all suggestions will be considered.
    The story is going to revolve around Max, Gordon Miles,Sergeant Brackett and Dr. Kenzi Sheppard. Through this first draft the chapter POV will shift depending on who's dominating the story as you will see if you stay with me.
    I've toyed with the idea of making Kenzi the main character narrating in the 1st person and filling in action she is not aware of in the 3rd person.
    Like I said, this is the first draft and any and all suggestions will be considered. I hope you stay with me.
    Again, thanks for reading.

    Larry

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    Replies
    1. I should have added my name--I never can tell what will appear in the by-line. I'm Greg Camp, your fellow author in Frontier Tales.

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    2. Hi Greg,
      Thanks for stopping by, brother. Hang with me, Dude. I value your feedback.

      Larry

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    3. I'm enjoying it, my friend. We writers have to help each other out.

      Greg Camp

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